Friday, October 29, 2010


So I had to update all of our materials with my name and email address so the students are not looking for someone who doesn't work here any more. That means, among other things, editing and printing out 500 brochures and placing them in various places around the building. I have been working on it for a considerable amount of time, as it took a while to make sure all the information was correct, update course listings, etc. And then I had to make sure my new email address was up, then the printer wasn't linked to my computer correctly, get the idea. So yesterday I got about 75% of them printed. I was proud of myself. I got the other 25% printed and took them down the hall to the brochure folding machine.

First off, the lady who usually mans it was not there. There was, instead, an older lady who was typing out the longest Facebook message on record just sitting there. She looks at me, at my stack of crap, and then laughs and says, "Good luck." Yeah, ok. I go back. My first batch goes OUTSTANDINGLY. I am amazing. The second batch however, initiates a jam. And not just any jam. The brochure literally rolled itself around the roller and stuck there. It had no edges one could use to pull it out--nothing. And the roller on the side that is supposed to roll the thing out comes off in my hand--the screw is completely gone in the thing. Plus, it makes the most horrible noise I've ever heard. Imagine a large Satanic doberman pinscher trying to explode out of Hell's wooden door. Like that.
So I turn it off. The lady looks up from her Facebook message (complete with photo of her with a man who, I swear, was Wilford Brimley) and says, "You having trouble?" Um, yeah. You could call it that. She sighs and says she'll call IT. Awesome. Fifth day here and I've seen IT everyday. I'm starting to get a reputation. So I do what any sane person would do.

I find a metal hanger, straighten it and try to MacGuyver out this jam. Because when life gives you jams....

The IT guy comes in 10 minutes later to find that I've totally dismantled the brochure folder and am rooting around in it with a cheap hanger. I have about 3/4 of a brochure in my hand and am talking to myself about the other 1/4. I may be saying the words, "Come here you filthy little bugger!" because when I get mad, I automatically turn into Nanny McPhee.

The IT department now has issued an order that any time that I request help, they will wait at least 15 minutes before coming to see how I handle the situation. And they will bring a camera.

I should mention that about 90% of the brochures (not including that first batch that I did that came out perfect) are creased in some weird way so now, all of the brochures are sitting around my office, being straightened with various phone books, supply catalogs and textbooks. It is like I am pressing the carnations of the world's largest homecoming court.

So. I've had my trick. Can I now have my treat?

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