Today I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting since college. I really wanted to rededicate myself to the program and decided that after the holidays, I would move my online membership to the full Monthly Pass membership where I would have more accountability and a chance to get support on the weight loss journey. I knew that I had gained a bit of weight during the holidays, and I had gotten away from making healthy habits--instead I was creating unhealthy ones to replace the healthy ones that I had made. That, my litttle croquembouches, is not good.
I did not, however, think that I had gained 15 pounds. Yes, folks I have. I tried to tell myself that this is a combination of wearing my shoes and a bulky sweater (I had forgotten to take those things off until I saw a lady stripping beside of me at weigh-in), and the fact that it is almost that time of the month and I woke up this morning feeling bulky. But that is still a lot of weight gain. That is a lot of butter, ya'll. And a lot of sugar. And a lot of cheese. And a tad bit of champagne. The other part of it is that this is after a week of being *relatively* good food-wise (bringing my lunch, preparing recipes from Cooking Light at night). So lord only knows how bad it was before last week.
At first I was very discouraged. I wanted to cry and maybe run out of the building and into the McDonald's across the road where I would down a very large hot chocolate. Those 15 pounds were 15 pounds that I had worked off before, ran off, and was so proud to have removed. And I put them back on because a lack of control. And if there is a trait that I ABHOR in others, it is a lack of self-control and self-awareness. So, in essence, standing there in the cold church gymnasium, I felt like I was becoming someone I hated.
But there was the voice of the meeting helper person, and she was smiling a lot and telling me that it was great that I was there in the first place, and would I like a magazine? and that I should talk to this other girl who was new last week and about my age. And I thought, "Fuck it." It is in the past. I ate too much over the holidays. I made too many treats, and I licked too many spoons and now I'm paying for it. I know this--I know that I have a predisposition to be heavy because of family history and a love for the more creamy, satiny things in life. So I gained some weight? I knew it would happen. I just got what was coming to me. And now I am fixing it. I can't do any thing more than what I am doing right now. So I'm not going to worry. I will lose 5 pounds, and then I will lose 15, and then at some point, I'll hit my goal weight when I lose 25. And it will have been all the better for the slip-ups and the mistakes and the times when I learned just how much is too much.
At any rate, I went to Weight Watchers. I am now toying around with the online stuff, actually tracking my meals for once (yeah, I had been paying the online fee, but only sporadically checking stuff and tracking it), and feeling slightly proud of myself. I would add a picture because I look cute today in my new sparkly cardigan and ruffly shirt, but the building is literally FILLED with oldsters because the College for Older Adults restarted today in the building. The whole place smells like meat loaf, ya'll. I went down to take a picture this morning, and there were about 20 old ladies in the bathroom, talking about what medicines they take and the side effects. One lady goes, "Sometimes I just can't....go." And she said "go" the way you or I might say "genital warts" or "pubic lice." Le sigh.
It has been a while since I shared a recipe, and longer since I shared a healthy one, so I'll show you what I made last night. I swore I would never use a different banana bread recipe after I made this peanut butter one because it was so, so good. Well, rules (and swears) are made to be broken. I made this bananas foster bread last night. Why? Because it has booze in it. And booze is freakin' amazing. I will cop to a couple of changes--1) I used bourbon instead of rum or cognac because I just like bourbon in ANYTHING and because I didn't have any rum handy (not a big rum fan, actually), and 2) I did not make the glaze, which would make it more delightfully boozy because I have kids that I thought might like a slice and I didn't want to liquor them up. The booze in the recipe is cooked on the stovetop first before baking, so you get a lot of the alcohol burned out before you even bake it. So I think it is pretty kid friendly, with changes. If Matt and I let them have ANY. It was truly very good. And for 5 Points Plus and 194 calories, it makes a nice breakfast with yogurt and fruit. Plus it has flax in it. Have you ever known something to have flax in it and be bad for you? Flax makes you smart, ya'll!
I hope you are having a healthy day. Feel free to post healthy recipes or lunch ideas!