Wednesday, January 12, 2011

New Year, New Look

Today it is snowing BUCKETS. I left my house this morning (and I had to have Matt get me out of the driveway, it should be noted) and my town was covered in a fresh layer of snow, but there was nothing coming out of the sky. By the time I got to my job, however, it was coming down like CRAZY. I slid around when I started up the hill to the office, and then when I was coming back down the hill, I fishtailed and almost hit our sign. Lovely. Thankfully, I was able to stop screaming "HOLY SHIT CRACKERS BALLS TURKEY NECKS!!!!" long enough to calmly back the car up and get back on to the main road with little to no drama. And I made it into my office safe and sound. Suck on that, Winter.

But then I ventured out AGAIN to get my hair cut, because I had an appointment and because it needed it and because I wanted to be brave and tell the snow, once again, to get out the straw and suck it down.

It is not a big change at all--really more of just a trim. But it got the dry stuff off and made me feel so much better. It feels so healthy, ya'll. So silky. It might change again because I have this huge urge to stop by the drugstore and pick up some hair color on my way back home. But then again, part of me says no to that idea. I keep having images of dying in a snow covered ditch and having the rescue worker say, "Oh, look she was going to dye her hair. At home. By herself. We should go inform her cats of her demise."

I also have bought some new make-up recently that I will share reviews of. I'll just tell you why I bought this particular make-up. You see, I ended up with a Wal-Mart gift card in our Chinese Christmas at a work Christmas party. I was angling to get an Olive Garden gift card, because you know I'm klassy like that, but it was not to be. Anyway, this was fitting, karmically, I guess, because I hate Wal-Mart with a hate that eclipses everything. Just to illustrate I've created a list of my hate from greatest to smallest:

  1. Wal-Mart
  2. Winter
  3. Beets
  4. Amateur photography
  5. political discourse that yells rather than informs

I can only explain this by saying that it is ingrained in me. My father also hates Wal-Mart more than anything. We have been known to have conversations like the following: "Been to Wal-Mart lately?" "Yeah, I had to go last week to get some laundry detergent." "Did you shower afterwards? Because don't be sitting on my couch if you didn't. Seriously. I don't want that shit in here." My dad is so hardcore, he will not go to Wal-Mart unless it is 4am and empty. 4 am! Given that he normally wakes up at about 2:30, I guess this seems normal to him. To the rest of the world, it is decidedly not.

Anyway, I had this Wal-Mart gift card so I decided to turn lemons into lemonade and use it invigorate my make-up drawer. I have a few prestige picks that I am wanting (and will probably buy around my birthday for a little Welcome to 28 gift for myself), but I thought it would be nice to round it out with some cheapie gifts. I used this month's Real Simple magazine for inspiration; there is a great thing in there about basics for everyday and what you add to glam it up a little and then a lot. I feel like a tutorial like this is just what I need for 2011--I sometimes feel I screw the pooch make-up wise by going a bit dark for daytime and a little light for night. KWIM?

I bought this blush (Cover Girl Simply Ageless in Rich Cinnamon if you are too lazy/infirm to clicky-doo). It is a cream formula which is something I normally associate with my grandmother. And Baby Jane. And despite this, this is what led me to it. I am married (in a polyandrous relationship, obvs) to Nars Orgasm blush and will have it dusted across my dead cheeks when I'm 500 and die of robot-scurvy or whatever is killing people in 2483. Every powder blush I've used PALES in comparison to Nars (Get it? Pales? HAR HAR), and I've made a promise to myself to not spend any more money trying them out when I know the end result. But cream...that's a different ballgame on a different channel. And I do like this stuff. In fact, I like it a lot. It gives me a sheer wash of color--more like what I imagine I look like after I run a mile or so. Nicely exerted. The formula is easy to apply--in fact, the sponge applicator (or what I assume was a sponge applicator) was stolen out of my package (BECAUSE I BOUGHT IT AT WAL-MART. Where the law fears to tread.), but I have been using my fingers, and it works fine. I should also note that it is silky feeling. I like it. A lot. You could do much, much worse on drugstore blush. As far as comparing it to Orgasm, that is like comparing apples and oranges because the formulas are so different, so I'll just say that this is a difference that I embrace because I've been using Nars everyday for almost 5 years now (holy crap, I'm old).

I also bought this mascara . I have never used L'Oreal Voluminous mascara ever (I KNOW!). I was very pleasantly surprised by it. I am one of those people that thinks that DiorShow might be able to cure cancer if only they'd just try it, but I am out right now (have been using little sample bottles that come with Sephora packages or that my mom picks up...yes, yes I know). This stuff is pretty amazing. The only problem that I can see with it is that it will give you some pretty gnarley raccoon eyes if you, say, drink 3/4 of a bottle of champagne while watching the Black Keys on SNL and then wake up laying, yes, on a block of smoked gouda. And if I rub my eyes with any ferocity (which happens more than I care to mention because of allergies), it comes off pretty easily. So, it won't cure any diseases, but it is pretty to look at.

I also got some L'Oreal True Match foundation. Why? Because it is the only drugstore foundation that works and I go back to it time and time again. Bought Bare Minerals and now I'm sick of the mess on my black countertops? True Match. Discovered that my Almay Smart Shade is becoming the shade of Snooki by mid-afternoon (note: I am decidedly un-Snooki colored)? True Match. Out of Laura Mercier and husband threatened me with an Iron Maiden if another Sephora box shows up on my doorstep? Back to the True Match. I do like this stuff. I always think that I don't like it as much and that I'd like to get away from it, but then I put it back on, and I think, " is puh-retty." Maybe it is just my skin. There is nothing special about this formula--doesn't feel luxurious, isn't particularly pretty in package. But it matches amazingly well. Which is why it is called True Match, I guess, and not True Luxury or True Ohmygawd.

And last but not least...can I talk about Revlon Just Bitten lipstain again? Pretty please. Good God, ya'll. If it has snowed at your house for the past 7 years (or it feels like that), go out and buy this. Pretty berry lips (and the nice balm that ensures their moisture) are what you need to feel human again. It makes you look like it is a wonderful summer day and you have been out picking blackberries off of the vine and gorging yourself on them while the sun shines down on your sunkissed shoulders. You are wearing a halter dress and a pair of flip flops and later on you will get in the pool. But only after you finish those succulent berries...oh, look they are on your lips. How pretty. Oh, and there is Liev Shrieber. And he just decided that you are the most gorgeous woman in the world and he wants to feed you chocolate truffles which have now been deemed to have 0 Weight Watchers PointsPlus and brush your hair. Hi Liev.

Wait...where am I? It's still snowing? Awesome. Great. Well, at least my make-up is pretty.

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