Friday, August 6, 2010

Why oh Freakin' Why?

I have no idea why, but for some ungodly reason, I am completely and totally drawn to the Kardashian family. Yes, I'm 74% sure that they are all repulsive and horrible human beings, especially Rob who I'm 100% sure that I want to punch in the throat. However, more often than not, I find myself watching them on E! and being totally immersed in what's going on. If they are showing a marathon, forget about it. I'm going to watch it, or rather, pick that day to "clean my room" and commence spending the rest of the day halfheartedly sorting magazines while catching up on the craziness. It doesn't matter if it is the whole family or just Kourtney and Khloe (even though they are my favorites), I will watch it.

The really disturbing thing is that it is not even that I just watch so much TV that this is just a percentage of all the other crap that I watch. I don't. I basically watch this and Criminal Minds and the odd Law and Order rerun and my husband and I tivo Modern Family and watch it together. Up until this point, I've been much too embarassed to tivo this crap, but just now I decided to go ahead and add Sunday night's offering to the queue because I'm so concerned about Scott and Kourtney's relationship. Oh yes, I did. What will become of Baby Mason? What about Scott's hand? What if he loses the ability to close his fist? Who will shove money down the throats of unsuspecting waiters then? I gave up reading gossip columns a while ago because I thought that they denigrated women (which I know is ironic, given the subject of this post), but I'm tempted to fire some up and see if I can uncover some un-E! released news. AAARGH.
And just now I was just aimlessly checking Facebook, just passing the time while my vacation pictures upload on Shutterfly, and I see Kim peeking out of the side of the page. She's telling me that she can get me some super stylish shoes, picked just for me. And yeah, well, the next thing I know I'm going through a "3 minute style quiz" on Oh yes, I did. If you are part of the population who reads newspapers and listens to NPR and can't be bothered with the businesses of a woman whose major accomplishment in life is having a large rear end, is a "service" that for the low, low price of $39.95 will ship you a pair of shoes every month. The shoes are supposedly picked just for you by a "team" of "stylists" of which Kim K. is one. On the front page, one pair of the shoes is actually cute--the others look like something purchased from "that" store in the mall--you know the one I'm talking about--the one that also sells fishnet stockings and those jeans with all the rips and rhinestones and has the employees who may or may not have an operating meth lab under the cash register. $40 seems a steep price to pay for those shoes, don't you think? Well, any wise person would think that. Not this girl. I finished the quiz and am currently waiting on the "stylists" to email me the results with the pair of shoes that they have picked just for me. Now, one side of my brain is saying I'm doing this whole thing under the title "sociological research." The other half is all like, "OHMYGOD, I can't wait to see what Kim picked for me!!! Then maybe I'll go to Dash and then we'll all go eat cobb salads together and talk about what a douche Scott is!!! And maybe Alice will grow up and marry Baby Mason and we'll all be this big happy family who loves each other's marketability!!! HUZZAH!"
Is anyone else drawn to the Kardashians? I mean, I can't be the only one. Just going to the grocery store tells me that as a nation, we are all drawn to them and whether or not they are gaining/losing weight. Why oh why do we care? Better yet, why do I care?
And even more important...what do I do if the shoes turn out to be cute? Pony up the $40 and hope for the best? Sometimes I amaze myself.

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