My Experience with Mary Kay

So. Last night, in the grand tradition of treatin' myself for my birthday, I had a Mary Kay consultant come to my house and show me some foundation. The whole line to get to this point was arduous and fraught with issues--I had an appointment scheduled, then my daughter got sick and I had to cancel, then I got sick, then the consultant went to Atlanta, then I went to Gatlinburg, then....FINALLY, all of the ducks got in a row to where I could do this thing. And it was about damn time. I was almost totally out of the True Match foundation I was using, having to resort to doing an odd, gyrating dance to get the last bit out of the bottle in order to do my face this past week. Being from the South however, ya'll know there was no way I was goin' out of the house with no make-up on. This is the road, surely traveled, to wearing Eeyore pajama pants to the grocery store. HELLS TO THE NO. So gyration it was.

And I have to say here just want a complete darling my consultant was during all this. I had originally contacted her to get some of the Ultimate Mascara that I had heard so much about, and once we started having issues with scheduling, she dropped the stuff off with a friend of mine, no questions asked, along with a bunch of samples and catalogs to get me started. Plus she was super friendly and made the process so easy. Love her.

Anyway, so we scheduled for my birthday. We decided she would come to my house. Now, I'll just say (in the spirit of total honesty) that this caused me a bit of anxiety, as with a toddler in the house during the day, I never quite know what I will be walking into when I return from work. It could be relatively straight and nice looking, sure. Or I could have a pile of baking soda on the floor reminiscent of a scene from Scarface. You never know. I had this fleeting thought, just for a bit, that perhaps my children and husband (who was home before me) would think, "Golly gee. I love my mom. Perhaps I'll clean the whole living room to pristine nature before she returns home from work since it is her birthday and I desire nothing more than her happiness on this, the most special of days." And, of course, I was wildly wrong. When I walked in the door, the kids had sort-of, kind-of straightened up Alice's toys in the living room, but there was a pile of shoes in the area around the door, and an even more tenuous pile of jackets/backpacks/lunchboxes laying on the living room furniture. And there sat my lovely children in the middle of it, playing on their iPods and threatening each other with bodily harm. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM.

So I ran about, hanging up jackets. I went to a little side table we have that at this point is just a repository for Diet Coke bottles and books and thought that I would dust it and get rid of the strange assortment of books. There was a copy of Sartre's No Exit on there, along with a Spanish/English dictionary, some Raymond Carver short stories, and I believe, a history book about presidents. What would the Mary Kay lady, who had been so wonderful to me, think of us upon seeing this collection of tomes? I'll tell you what I would think: PRETENTIOUS, BILINGUAL JERKS. These are the things I worry about, folks. So I reach for the Sartre, and guess what? It is fused to the table. With what, I have no idea. There is a 2 year old afoot. It could have been anything: juice, a forgotten half-chewed fruit roll-up, HUMAN NOSE DRIPPINGS. Anyway, I just left it, hoped no one would look at the table, and made some of that Harry and David cream cheese dip that you make with the relish so that my kids and husband would hopefully be pacified while I got prettied (which, if you haven't tried, is kind of like crack but creamier). By that time, the consultants had arrived. And I had realized that in my rush, I had neglected to pick up the pair of Green Lantern boy's underwear inexplicably laying on the bottom of our entertainment center. F-U-C-K.

And I hope they didn't notice that I live with a bunch of wild animals, because I enjoyed the absolute HELL out of the time they were there. First, they took off all my make-up, and I used the Mary Kay products for cleansing and microdermabrasion. Again, total honesty here: I suck at any kind of skincare routine, even though it was on my 30 b4 30 list. SUCK. Skin care routines and me are like math and me. Sure, I get why it is important. Sure, I can get by. But for some reason, there is a block in my mind about actually doing it with any consistency. But by the time that I was done, my face felt so wonderfully soft and cool and just...nice, I started wondering if Mary Kay could be my skin care rehab. Maybe? The set they sell together is $90, and although I would have loved to go all in on that, I have a few products in my bathroom (a bottle of Cetaphil that isn't even half used, for instance) that I should get through first, and well, there's that whole "feeding my kids" that I should consider as well. But really, next month I am thinking about purchasing it. Especially since I am at an advanced age now. This is something about the Mary Kay experience that I didn't think I would like (washing my face in front of strangers), but I have to say, the products were pretty daggone good and the consultants gave me some tips that I had not considered before. I recommend doing a facial with them, even if it takes you out of your comfort zone a bit.

And then we get to the main event, at least for me, which was foundation. This is where I can't gush enough. I have a horrible time with foundation--HORRIBLE. I have very pale skin, but I have some red undertones, so a foundation that matches my neck might be much too light for the rest of my face. When I was younger, I used Prescriptives foundation that I adored and that really was the only brand that could truly match my problematic skin. But I have used three different formulas, and each time, the color or kind I used was discontinued promptly after I started loving it. I have also used MAC with some degree of love, but the last bottle I bought seemed to change colors on me in the middle of the day and the salesperson I bought it from was a touch rude and the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth (especially for the $40 I paid for it). Strangely, L'Oreal True Match is my go-to foundation, at least lately, but I find myself buying two different shades and mixing them, and for the amount of time and money that takes, I could get a prestige brand that I like more.

I tried to explain this to the consultant, so she started with at least five different shades, doing stripe tests on my cheek. She put me in different light, moving around the sticky table from above (GASP) to see how each worked. Then we got the shade down to two choices and we did half my face in each. And we let it set for a while, while I looked through other make-up choices. Then, finally, the three of us made an executive decision. I ended up getting a 5 in color! A five! Usually, a make-up artist just puts me in whatever is the lightest (usually a 1 or a 0) and goes from there. However, with Mary Kay, the gradation is pretty small within a certain tone (there are three tones), just varying slightly on tint. This makes it much easier to get that perfect shade. I felt so confident with my choice. No make-up artist has EVER taken that much time with me to pick a shade and I have never felt so sure that I was getting exactly what I needed.

The formula for the make-up is pretty rad. I'll admit that it took me a bit to get used to this morning when I was putting it on, mostly because I used True Match before that. True Match is a thin foundation, more like a veil of cover more than anything. The TimeWise Luminous Wear Mary Kay foundation is much creamier. I know this isn't likely, but you put it on and feel like you are doing something good for your skin, not just covering it up. It is a bit thicker too, more of a cover than the True Match. But the finish is luminous, and when I got it all applied the way I like, I could still see my freckles. I feel like I could up it a bit too, for more of a nighttime, DONE look. I am VERY happy with it.

I tried the other make-up too. I feel pretty confident that I'll stick with Nars Orgasm for blush, since I'm nearly married to it in a non-legally binding way, so I can't tell you much about the blush. It looked nice when I put it on, I'll say that. But I am partial to Orgasm (aren't we all?). The mineral eye shadows were perfectly lovely, and I liked them much more than the mineral shadows I've used before. Application was easy and not messy which is my numero uno complaint about any mineral product. Plus, the price ($6.50 per pop) is pretty nice and allows you to customize several different looks without a whole lotta cash. My consultant gave me one of the shadows as a gift, it being my birthday and all. Once I run out of the Benefit cream shadows I am using now, I plan to try some of the other colors. I liked that one of the consultants told me she used the shade I chose (the Honey Spice) as a highlighter both above and below her eyes and on her nose. She said this looks great in photos, and I plan to utilize this trip when I attend a wedding next week.

And since this is getting long, I'll add succinctly, the Ultimate Mascara comes really close to laying-in-bed-naked-with-a-chocolate-truffle-and-Liev Schrieber-levels of awesome. Reminds me a lot of Dior Show, although the brush is smaller and dare I say it, more manageable. Love it, love the price, and this might go on my list of things I will carry with me when I kill over from the horrible disease given to me from drinking my daily bottle (or 2...) of Diet Coke.

After the consultants left, my husband and I were making dinner together and he asked me why I had had the consultant over. He said it didn't seem like something I would normally do. I admitted that it put me out of my comfort zone a bit. I can be a bit standoffish in real life, believe it or not, especially if I don't know someone that well. Initiating any kind of contact that would put a stranger in my house, touching my skin, is not like me at all. But I did like it. A lot. And really, this is the happiest I have felt with my makeup in a long time. So here I am, getting old and trying new things.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to try to figure out how my 8 year old son has not figured out that it is not ok to leave his underwear on the living room furniture.

30 B4 30: Red Lipstick

As part of my 30 Before 30 list, I have "Wear red lipstick." This is something I have tried very briefly before. When CoverGirl came out with that lipstick that is supposed to look good on everyone (well, 99% of people), I bought the Valentine Red version. Turns out I was the 1% who looked like ass in it. I chalked it up to junk science and the tendency I had for putting my lipstick on in a car that is hurtling down the freeway at 75-80 mph. I did it that one time, forgot about it, and moved on.

I put this on the list though because I love the classic-ness of red lipstick. It is one of my favorite looks, no matter the season, no matter what. I always flock to that page in the magazine, to that character in the movie. Red lipstick is just what I like. And the funny thing is, in my regular life, I'm a pretty non-red lipstick kind of girl. I generally wear neutral shades of make-up and lipgloss is what I almost always buy for lip cover (I actually think that last tube of "lipstick" that I bought was that Valentine Red crap). But, whatever, the case, I'm a tinge obsessed with red, so it is on the list.

I read an article in Bazaar or some such publication a while ago about red lipstick and they had all kinds of tips for achieving the look. I went out and bought one of the products they listed: Revlon ColorStay Ultimate Liquid Lipstick in Top Tomato. I liked it because it was listed as "the classic shade" and because the liquid formula wasn't so unlike the gloss that I normally go to. I thought it would be easier for me to apply if it was a familiar formula.

Well, not so much. I put it on carefully, but still it looked kind of...blotchy. In places it was very red, but in others it was thin. I tried to go back over it to even it out, but that didn't look the best either. I think I need to get some lipliner (EEK!!! LIPLINER!--Is anyone else irrationally afraid of lipliner? Because I had this cousin with that ubiquitous brown ring around her mouth--EEK!!! LIPLINER!!!) to give myself a clearly defined border around the lip. There's a thin line between "artfully applied" and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, you know? Anyway, I got it on. But I still wasn't so sure. Some of it, I think, is the shock factor. It is something to get used to, looking in the mirror and seeing something so...bright. Especially when you are the Queen of Planet Neutral. And then...well, I think it changed colors.

In this picture (from a previous post), you can see what it looked like about an hour or so after I put it on. And it is kind of...pinkish. Like fuschia. Like old lady fuschia. Amirite? Part of this, I think, is because I tried to wipe it off a bit. And honey, this shit wasn't about to budge. ColorStay? Try ColorForever Until You DIE. After I noticed the fushia-ness of it all, I tried rubbing my lips with everything save a porcupine. Like your unemployed brother in law with a severe video game addiction, it wasn't going ANYWHERE. My lips were still pretty bright when we arrived at Ikea, a 3 hour drive and several drinks and one meal later. Revlon is all up on that truth in advertising stuff. Perhaps if I had reapplied instead of frantically trying to get it off, it would have looked more red and less "Are you bringing that chicken casserole, Hazel?"

The other issue is how I did the rest of my make-up. Because I'm a little afraid of the red still, I tried to tone everything else down. I did some kind of matte foundation (Loreal True Match but in a paler shade than I might otherwise do in the late summer/early fall), pearly eyeshadow (Cover Girl French Vanilla, I think) with a very, very thin line of black liquid eyeliner (Benefit Magic Ink--review to come) and Maybelline The Falsies mascara, and the smallest smattering of Nars Orgasm. I think I needed more Orgasm (and really, who doesn't?). Usually when I wear this shade of make-up, I brighten the whiteness with the blush to make everything look more natural. I was scared to do that with the red. In the future, I'm going to add more of the Nars. And the foundation will look better as we get deeper into fall and the small bit of sun I got over the summer fades even more. I did like the eyes.

Now, despite this experience, I'm not giving up on the red. At all. I'm not even giving up on this particular tube. Next time, I'm going to use lipliner, and add more, more, more. Yup. It's going to get CRAZY up in here. But not cat-lady-fuschia crazy. Lenin and Mao go out for cocktails RED crazy. If that doesn't work, I'm going to go to a professional and have them show me what I'm doing wrong. And possibly pony up for a full on red makeover.

Because it it is on a list, by crackies, I'll do it. For science! And awesomeness! Away!

30 B4 30: Skin Care Confessions

When I was in 6th grade, I wore a purple flannel shirt for my school picture, along with a gold necklace that my mom let me wear. It was the 90's, ya'll; I was jazzed about my outfit. What I wasn't so jazzed about was the crop of zits that just happened up erupt right under my bangs, so that when the photographer's assistant brushed the hair out of my face the camera got a big ole glimpse of the fact that I was quickly growing up. When the pictures came in, I was heartbroken, so my mom took me to the Clinique counter and bought me the same 3 step skincare system that they have today (albeit with bar soap, not liquid). I used it excitedly at first, but then began to lose interest. I would wash up hardcore when I was having breakouts, but when I got my skin under control again, I would go to bed without doing it, would skimp on the moisturizer in the morning, would spend whole days forgetting all together.

Fast forward 17 years. One would think that this is the part where I say, "But I grew up and changed and now I have the finest skin one could ever hope to see." Notsomuch. I am pretty much the same person all these years later: I am streaky with my skin care--pampering it when there are problems, ignoring it (or worse) when things are going ok. I go to bed with my make-up on, I buy whatever cleanser looks ok at the store, I hardly use moisturizer not of the tinted variety, I never exfoliate. But I never break out, I never have dryness, my skin is just there. My skin is like that skinny girl who never exercises and eats chocolate cake at every meal. You just know she's going to get fat at some point, but for the time being, she seems ok to stuff her face.

But I have decided to change all that. For one thing, I know my skin can't hold on like this forever. But more importantly, Gabby is to the age now where she needs to start taking care of her skin, and I want to be a good example. It is hard to remind her to wash her face every night when I know I am going to pass out on the couch watching Criminal Minds without bothering to take my make-up off. Hypocrite, table for one!

I came up with a list of things that my perfect skin care regimen must have:

• It must be affordable. I like to spend money on clothes and boots--not necessarily on lotions. Plus, my skin is pretty problem-free right now, so I'll save the major cash droppage for when I have problems.


• It must be easy to find. No Sephora only items--I want things that I can just run out and get if need be. This limits me to Target finds, Clinique, Estee Lauder, Lancome, and maybe Elizabeth Arden.


• It must address my needs--normal skin with very, very occasional breakouts.


• It must have as few products as necessary. I don't want to have to do 15 things every night because guess what? I won't do it.


• I like natural products. This is not a requirement, but it is something that I'm drawn to.

So after my monthly marathon Bazaar-Vanity Fair-Cooks Illustrated-Lucky reading adventure, I decided to take the bull by the horns and go to Target and get started on lucky #7 on the ole 30 Before 30 List: develop a skin care regimen. Why? Well, Bazaar had an article about skin care for every age, and it reminded me. I'm the kind of person who needs about 10,324 reminders a day if I'm actually going to complete a task. And, well, the bookstore was cold and I kinda wanted to walk to Target to get a latte anyway. You see, it is a lot easier to say, "Honey, I'm going to walk to Target to complete a very important task that is pertinent that I do before my thirtieth birthday," than it is to say, "I have the aching desire to spend some money after reading all these magazines. Oh, and I want an overpriced coffee beverage while I'm at it. Care to spot me a few dollars?"

So I go to Target. After much deliberation, I decided to go with Cetaphil cleanser.

Why Cetaphil? Well, because I listen to my mother. Sometimes. When I have good reason to. My mom has officially used every skin care product known to man, from high to low. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm really not. I consulted her when I was thinking about what to get, and she talked for 1.5 hours NONSTOP, giving me full reviews of everything from Mary Kay to Avon to Perricone to Wexler to Olay to God knows what. She recently started going to a dermatologist, and the doctor put her on strictly (and only) Cera-ve. She now adores this stuff. I think she even bathes in it. And the dermatologist told her that she uses it, and that her daughter uses Cetaphil. Also Bazaar recommended it for being in your 20's. And for the next 2.5 years, I'm officially there. So...Cetaphil it is. I got the cleanser for Normal to Oily skin because my skin is heartachingly normal, but I do get that bump right around that time of the month. ALWAYS. Between that and the uptake in brownie production/consumption at that particular time, I'm a Cathy cartoon waiting to happen.

My mother also told me not to do toner any more, which I was of course tempted to do anyway. But I didn't. I went straight for the moisturizer. I was concerned about sun exposure, so I made sure to find one with SPF in it. I decided to go with Yes to Carrots Daily Facial Moisturizer with SPF 15. Why? Becaust it craves my need for natural products, Target has it, it is available from drugstore.com, which is an online merchant that I use regularly, and because I like the brand. This is something that I will have to be careful with, though, because I am allergic to a few different kinds of fruit acids (therefore, I can't do any type of Origins product, which makes me very, very sad). So I will keep a close eye on it. I have used products of theirs in the past, though, with no real problems, so I am hopeful.

And finally, I decided to do the night cream that Bazaar recommended: Garnier Nutritioniste Moisture Rescue Refreshing Gel Cream. With a name like that, it has to be good, right? I bought this solely on the magazine recommendation, which is not something I usually do because I figure they are being given certain products and asked to feature them in the magazine. But, I thought, well, if it doesn't work, I'll just chalk it up to an experiment for science. And also because I just wanted a night cream to feel like a real girl. For real.

I am not crossing this off the list just yet because the goal is to get the "perfect skincare regimen." So I am going to experiment with products until I get the right blend. My mom suggested getting a system that will work together, so I will try that next if something goes wrong with this system. I will try to update as things progress with how I am doing keeping up with the regimen (that is going to be the hardest part) and what the products are like. Wish me luck! Also, any recommendations are much appreciated. There is only so much that one can listen to her mother (just kidding, Mom).

30 B4 30: Tuesday Night Date Night

As part of my 30 Before 30 list, I have promised to go on a date night twice a month with my husband, Matt. We have never been good at giving ourselves time together. For one thing, we've always been super busy with school/work and for a large amount of time, we lived away from our family and thus reliable/affordable baby-sitting. Even now that we live close enough to take advantage, we don't because we feel guilty about leaving the kids and find ourselves just too busy to take time out that often.

But I made a committment to do it, and I'll be damned if I don't at least give it the old college try. Plus, it is something we really need to do for ourselves. And, besides all that, it is just totally fun to go out and watch movies and eat bad food and talk about things that do not include my daughter's cheerleading and son's finicky eating habits.

One thing we are doing is going out on Tuesday nights. This sounds odd, I know. We started it because my husband is hella cheap and movie tickets are just $4 on Tuesday nights at our local theater. Plus, a lot of local restaurants run specials on Monday and Tuesday nights. So it is a cheap night out. However, we have come to really like it for many more reasons than the cheapness of it. For one thing, it is not crowded on Tuesday nights really anywhere. You can get a table with no wait, the theater is not full of obnoxious people texting away and guffawing at stupid jokes. Plus, it is something to look forward to coming out of the weekend. Yes, it is hard to get started on a Monday morning. However, knowing that there is a treat waiting for me on Tuesday night makes it a lot easier. I even think this applies to the kids. They like the break of getting to go to their grandmother's house on Tuesday afternoons--she picks them up from school and takes them to a local drive-in restaurant for hot dogs and shakes, which is a great break from eating with us every night. We don't do it every Tuesday (obviously), but when we do, we all come away from it happy.

Tonight we went and saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. My husband picked the movie because he read the graphic novel. I just went along because I never know anything about movies--I just kind of like to walk into them and be surprised as to what I'm seeing. I don't keep up with what is out or anything like that. This is in opposition to Matt, who has a tab on his igoogle that is all about movies that he follows religiously. I just requested no Eat Pray Love because I read the book and really disliked it--found it to be a bit overindulgent and trite (did anyone else not like this book? I usually find myself to be in the minority on this one). Matt was more than pleased to honor my request because he has this issue with Julia Roberts' teeth. Not kidding. Who doesn't like Pretty Woman? That movie singlehandedly taught me everything I know about sex and mean-sprited SA's. But I digress....

ANYWAY, Scott Pilgrim....was awesome. I adored it because it had all of these awesome musical references and totally made me feel like I was a 14 year old girl again. Because I totally had this shirt:

Love that Zero shirt. The summer when I was 13, I plotted to have Billy Corgan's babies and I had about 3 of those...a long sleeved one, a short sleeved one, and a ringer like you see on Michael Cera above. I also had the blue hair seen above, although mine was not nearly as cute and mine was made with blue gel-ly type stuff that I bought at Gadzooks in the Kingsport Mall. Not permanent in the least. But I tried. And watching that movie took me right back to that place.

When I stood up at the end of the movie, I looked down and saw myself : Gap jeans, cardigan, cute top. Typical 27 year old Mom I think. About as far from 13 year old rock star wannabe as you can get. But then I looked over. There stood Matt, who knew me in those days, who listened when I insisted on playing Siamese Dream three times in a row, who I have seen innumerable movies with, who uses the term "graphic novel," who I have watched play Zelda enough to where I got those references in the movie too. We are older, and wiser, maybe a bit more world weary then we once were. We are not as cool; the streaks in my hair now come from the actual sun and not a jar. But there is no one else in the world that I would rather spend a Tuesday evening with. And I hope I see 15 million more movies with him, and I hope I'm never too old to enjoy breaking out a Pumpkins album to listen to on the way home.

30 Before 30

As I write this, I am 27.5 years old. I feel relatively young, but yesterday Gabby and Sam told me that I was really, really old. Sam kept going on about it, and Gabby finally relented and said, "Well, she's younger than a lot of the other mom's out there." I was about to thank her for sharing that, but she decided to finish her thought and said, "But she's still really old." Harumph.

Anyway, I decided to make a list of 30 things that I want to do before I turn 30. My husband liked the list for the most part and has already started planning #1. I may have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: my husband rocks.

1. Go to France
2. Make croissants, brioche and challah from scratch.
3. Run a 5k.
4. Run a 10k.
5. Buy a new car.
6. Lose 15 more pounds and keep it all off.
7. Develop a skin care routine that is perfect for me.
8. Hike to the top of Mount Rogers.
9. Hike the trail between Muir Woods and Stinson Beach.
10. See at least 3 more major league ball parks.
11. See the Montgomery Biscuits and get a t-shirt.
12. Make homemade yogurt.
13. Save $5,000 of my very own.
14. Own a ridulously expensive pair of shoes.
15. Receive a hot stone massage.
16. Host a formal dinner party.
17. Create an herb garden that doesn't die within 6 months.
18. Decide if I want a tattoo or not and just get it already.
19. Acquire a digital camera and learn to use it on my own.
20. Have a date night with Matt at least twice a month.
21. Have a really nice family photo taken.
22. Learn to knit and make a scarf.
23. Paint a room.
24. Read the following books: Crime and Punishment, Madame Bovary, Ulysses, and at least one (small) thing by Proust.
25. Start (formal) college funds for the kids (we have a couple of small savings accounts but none are totally devoted to this, and poor Alice has zip).
26. Do 10 real push ups in a row.
27. Publish something.
28. Get a job I love.
29. Wear red lipstick.
30. Drink one bottle of very fancy champagne.

I am going to use this blog as a spot to document my progress. I will post pictures and other "evidence" of my completing things, and hopefully, in 2.5 years, everything will be marked off! Any help and encouragement is, of course, appreciated!