So You Want to Have Sex With Joe Mauer: Coupon Clippers Edition

(Joe Mauer laughs at those who pay full price for beauty products.)

If there is anything less sexy than clipping coupons, I don't know it.  (Maybe nursing homes.  Maybe jorts.)  Coupon clipping is one of those loaded activities where you assume you know the kind of person who does it--an overweight housewife in a Tweety t-shirt, trying to feed her growing family on a kitchen full of processed foods (and now with shows like Extreme Couponing, we get more visual evidence to back up our assumptions).  At one time when I was in college, we got the paper delivered to us and I clipped coupons every Sunday.  However, I hardly ever used the actual things, mostly because buying three boxes of Fruit Roll Ups even with a coupon is more expensive than buying a bunch of bananas.  Plus, there was always the added problem of actually having the damn things with me when I was at the store and then trying to use them before the expiration date.  Blech.

And I'm not here to tell you that I've changed my sorry ways.  I still don't use coupons all the time, nor do I go out of my way to do so.  I'll go with the fresh bananas any day, thankyouverymuch.  However, I'm not averse to saving a little money, mostly because that means I get to spend more money later.  So every once in a while, when I get an email from Coupon Mom or Target telling me there are new coupons available, I make a quick run through with them and print out the ones that I like.  Sometimes there are very few things that I print.  Sometimes there are a bunch.  Frequently printed items are coupons for Allegra (I take it everyday), Kashi Steam meals, and Cascadian Farms cereal.  Target also frequently features a coupon for a certain percentage off of a clothing item, and these are great for the kids, especially since I have a fickle teenager who loves fast fashion.  After printing out the coupons, I just stick them in a binder clip and throw them in the bottom of my (new!) purse.  Then, when I go to the store, if I want to use one, I just pull it out.  I think I'm getting pretty good with them.  My mom noted that the last few times we have gone to Target together, I have used at least one coupon each time.  On my trip on Sunday, I saved $8.  So while I'm definitely not an extreme couponner, that $8 is well saved and will definitely allow me to buy some really stinky cheese or yet another lip gloss.

Now, most of you don't know this, but Joe Mauer finds saving money really sexy.  Sure, he makes eleventy trillion dollars a year just for looking hot and throwing a ball around, but that doesn't mean that he's going to spend it all.  Being Joe Mauer is not cheap.  I'm sure he has a skin care regimen.  And there's all of that cash he's laying down for places where he can sex you up.  Showing a man you are financially minded is a great way of saying, "I am not a gold digger.  I want you for your body only.  Now use that shin guard to tie me up and we'll reenact parts of 50 Shades of Gray in a light bondage meets baseball mash-up."

So without further ado, here are a couple of things I've purchased with coupons recently.

Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain.  I've written about Revlon's Just Bitten Lip Stains before, but this is a much different formula.  Basically, the lip stain is like a felt tip pen for your lips (with accompanying clear lip balm for a creamy touch) and this "kissable balm stain" is more like a big old crayon.  I have to admit that that enticed me way before I remembered I have a coupon for this stuff.  I love the idea of a big, fun adult crayon that I get to play with, because what is make-up really but fun stuff to play with?  I picked it up in the color "Romantic" which is a cool tinged red.  I was wanting something for summer that was light and could be smudged on but that would have all of the color that I like and need.  And I didn't want it to be too "done", not too glossy and something that could be defined a bit for work or smudged on playfully for vacation.  This stuff fits the bill, and I have to say, I love it.  The crayon is easy to wield and you can line your lips if you are so inclined or you can just say "Fuck all!" and put it on with no guide like the kind of free-wheeling free spirit who follows the Minnesota Twins around and eschews all major life responsibility.  The color is pretty choice as well--a light red that gives you a touch of the trendy brightness without being truly overwhelming.  Kind of like eating a cherry popsicle.  See for yourself:

(Yup that's me, sitting in my office, taking crappy pictures of myself.  Note that my hair is not normally that jacked up--I didn't straighten it or wash it because I was too sore from running and hiking yesterday.  So what I'm saying is that I'm ugly and out of shape.)

That picture was taken after I had had it on for a little over a hour.  Which brings me to my next point:  This stuff lasts better than your garden variety balm color.  Perhaps because it is a stain or something, the color is a bit more pervasive than what its silky texture would have you believe.  I wore it yesterday on our afternoon hike and despite sweating and carrying a 2 year old nearly the whole way back, it was still on when I got back in the car.  I will add that because it is such a nice texture on the lips, you will want to put it on often.  Especially if you are a lip biter like me.  

My verdict?  LOVE.  This is my summer lip color, far and away.  I am tempted to buy more colors, but know that I will be partial to this red.

Mauer verdict?  Hey girl.  When you wear that lip balm/stain/whatever, it makes me think of a fresh, wholesome night under the Minnesota stars with a crackling fire and homemade smores and my hands running down the length of your back and you leaning over and getting that balm all over my....DAMN GIRL.  THAT LIP STAIN IS CHOICE.

Garnier Skin Renew Miracle Skin Perfecter B.B. Cream.  Okay.  I really can't say anything about this product that hasn't been said before.  The internetz love BB (Beauty Balm) Creams, and this is a relatively cheap version and so, basically, anything you want to see about it, you can find.  A lot of people love it.  Some people do not.  I, myself, really like it, but I went after it looking for a very specific thing.  It delivered on that, so I'm happy.  If I had expected more, I might not be.  

I am really quite happy with my Mary Kay foundation, but I wanted something a bit different for summer on days when I'm not at work--something more akin to a tinted moisturizer.  I have so-so luck with tinted moisturizers--some are pretty good (Laura Mercier) and some make me look like Snooki (Almay Smart Shade--I'm just too pale).  Also, I have finally gotten on board with a pretty reliable skin care routine, so finding something was going to be good to my skin was a plus as well.  So I knew I was going to buy this product, online reviews and coupon aside.  And really, it does what I need it to do.  It is nice to wear on the weekend, and even though I was dubious on the (lack of) color choices, the Light/Medium shade disappears easily and keeps me from any Snooki-esque color.  I can't really tell if there is any long-term positive affects from its skin-care side because I haven't used it long enough.  I do like it though--I like it a lot.  The coverage is light enough not too look too done, and it feels nice for summer.  I like the addition of the SPF.  I will say that how your layer it is key.  I generally just put it on directly after washing my face, but the other day I forgot and put it on after my regular moisturizer (Cerave).  It went on a little lighter, but I didn't notice it coming off or making my face oily (I have very normal, boring skin).  I will say that I prefer it applied after washing and without other creams used before it.

My verdict:  Definitely doable summer beauty.  The price point is nice (even without the coupon), and it makes me feel good that it is doing something for my skin other than just covering it up.  It might be too dark for me by the time fall rolls around, but by then I might be a more of a foundation-everyday-girl anyway.

Mauer verdict:  Girl, your skin is so nice.  So luminous.  So protected.  I want it to stay like that so that we can be doin' it well into our 80's.  Because girl, when I'm just a dude going around to traveling ball signings and telling stories about back in the day, I want you to be there.  I'll need a sympathy beej.

I hope your Memorial Day weekends were fun and restful.  Mine definitely was, and I found some great deals this past weekend (mostly for the kids, but I did find a great new bag for $60).  I got to see plenty of Mauer as the A's are currently in Minnesota, forgetting how to play baseball and forcing me into alcoholism. Harumph.