Pumping Sucks.

Literally. And figuratively.

Yesterday, in a feat of forgetfulness the likes of which I haven't been prone to in a long time, I managed to leave my pump, id badge, wedding rings, lunch, and assorted other goodies at home. My husband realized it some 10 minutes after I left, but by that time I was well on my way and singing to the radio so I didn't hear my phone buzzing in the charger. He ended up bringing the stuff to me, but didn't get it here until almost 1:00, during his own lunch time. Which meant that I missed one of my normal pumping times. I managed to pump one time yesterday, and wouldn't you know it but yesterday was the day that my mother in law commented, "Wow, Alice sure ate a lot today! I might have to break into the freezer stash." So, I of course, freak out because I am bringing home much less milk, plus the freezer stash is a source of sanity for me and not something I want to bust into because of my own idiocy in forgetting my stuff at home. I make plans to pump at night after Alice goes to bed to make up for the lost milk.

Guess who decides to stay up until 11:00? Now, she is going through this little phase where the only way she will go to sleep is to have me nurse her laying down in bed when I go to bed. She eats and then I lay her down beside of me and roll over with my back to her. Then she falls asleep. It is the only way, for the past three nights at least, to get her there. It is not horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but it does not leave for quality pumping time. Plus, I end up falling asleep too and then she ends up sleeping with us, and none of us sleep as well all together. ANYWAY, at 11:00 last night, she is awake, but falling fast. I put her to bed, thinking I will just get back up and pump the other boob after she is asleep. Guess who is a hungry, hungry hippo? Yeah. She ends up eating from both and then falling asleep on my arm. Great. Since there is no point in pumping at that point, I go to sleep too. However, because we are sleeping together, she wakes up at 3:30 (not something she usually does if she is sleeping in the bassinet). Great, I think. I'll feed her and then pump and then come back to bed. She does manage to eat quickly and sort of falls back to sleep, but definitely seems like she wants to cuddle. So I lay there, dozing, until she is good and asleep. By this point, it is 4:30, so I get up and pump. Do you know how much it sucks to pump at 4:30 in the morning? A lot. Especially when all you can think about is crawling back under your new flannel sheets and getting that one and a half hour of sleep that you crave so much. I manage to do it, and then to wash the pump, and then I come back to bed. And guess who slept until 7:00 this morning? This girl.

So I get up and pump again. At this point, my boobs were TAPPED.OUT. I managed to get about 3.5 ounces and just called it a day. But now I'm nervous that she won't have enough today and will bust into the freezer supply, which is fine I guess, but not something I want to make into a daily occurence.

And the worst thing is that I remembered my pump and everything today, but I do not want to go do it at 10:00 (my normal pumping time). I have a decent room to pump in (locking door, nice chair), but it is a long way from the room where I do most of my work. Plus, I have to walk through the auditorium to get there (I work at a high school), so I have to go at times when the drama kids are not in there. So I have to lug my heavy bag down there twice a day and sometimes there are kids around and I know they are like, "Why is the mentor going into the janitor's anteroom with that big old bag and a J. Crew catalog?" Cause it kinda looks nefarious. Moreover, it just takes time out of my day when I could be working with students. The best case scenario would be to do it during this block (planning period), but I can't because the auditorium is in use by the competition drama team, and I can't bust up their performance to pass through. Sigh. What's even worse is that my other pumping time is during my lunch and it is so tempting to skip it because I can use that time to talk to other teachers (two of which are also experiencing pumping drama right now) about my students and other adult topics. I almost feel like I need that adult conversation time because I spend the rest of my working day talking to teenagers and the rest of my time at home talking to my kids. So tempting to skip it! But I can't... I have to keep telling myself that.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I hate to pump, especially at 4:00 in the morning. And when I do it, I end up coming to work in cargo pants. Yes, you read that correctly. Cargo pants. Why? Because they are technically not against the dress code (not jeans!) and because it is raining and icky, I overslept, and I had to do laundry and find a magazine picture of something that starts with the letter "u" this morning for my son. Plus, they pseudo-fit, especially since I consumed a whole ton of sugar yesterday and feel kind of bloated/icky today. So I am wearing cargo pants, a J.Crew t-shirt, and a puffy vest. And my hair is not washed, and I am only wearing a tiny bit of foundation, mascara, and Yes To Carrots lip balm. Sexy. The funny thing is, my husband remarked on how "cute" I look this morning. And my 10 year old, who normally only gives me an eye roll in the morning (not a morning person, that one) told me she liked my vest. Welcome to Bizarro World!

I feel mildly bad because I always used to make fun of this girl I used to work with in CA because she would wear elastic waist black velour pants to work because they were technically not against the dress code. She would just wear a blouse with them, like she was wearing normal black pants. It was horrendous. But I am doing the same thing today. Karma--she is a bitch.

And finally, I must add that the fates are conspiring against me because my husband is getting...sick. To be honest, I would rather get amoebic dysentary with a side of typhus than for my husband to get a cold. Why? Because it lasts FOREVER and he documents each bit of horribleness for all to hear. As in, "This morning my throat is a bit scratchier and my nose is more stuffy than runny on the left side, not the right. Oh, and I've sneezed four times." Grrrrr.... Plus, he thinks having a cold gives him every right to go to bed at 8:00 and remind me to do his laundry. Which is what I was doing this morning.... along with determining that "u" is a very unfrequently used letter in the English language.